never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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