I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
