You work out of a Hotel?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
