Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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