never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
