Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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