i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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