I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
