We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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