but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
