Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
