I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
