i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
