Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
