Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
