where are you?
Hypothermia
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
