they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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