I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
