If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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