Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
