worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
