Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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