The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
