she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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