so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
