Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
