just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
