The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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