I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
