I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
