my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's shark week go big or go home
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
