Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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