I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
