Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she told me i tasted like america
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my liver is dry heaving
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
