I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
