I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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