I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
