Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
