i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
