i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
