Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
