I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
