i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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