apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
