We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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