So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
