im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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