Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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