Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
