big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
