did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
