I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
